I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
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He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
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it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
It's rum buckets o'clock
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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