I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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