I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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