After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
