I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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