just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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