found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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