It's just like the Real World with babies
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
