She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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