I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
She needs sedatives and a leash
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Randomize
