Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Randomize
