Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
