Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
