I have demons in me.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
