i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.