Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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