i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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