she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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