The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
