You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
