Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I need a beard to bite.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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