I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I want to be your penis for a week.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
