Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
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