Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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