Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
