I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
