brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
