Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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