We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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