My hair reeks of homosexuality.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
