dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Randomize