Only a mothe r could love this liver
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Come share oat with me in your robe
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
