Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
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