Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Randomize
