you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
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Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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