I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
