I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
