his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
