I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
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