Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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