We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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