he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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