Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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