I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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