He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
