it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
