I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
