I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
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