I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
