sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Randomize
