Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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