There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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