so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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