Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
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