Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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