I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
