Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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