Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
They have beer where we have blood.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
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