Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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